Apposite

"So what are you doing for Christmas Jonah?" Tallulah enquired.

"Going to Melksham for Christmas lunch," Jonah replied, unenthusiastically. "We're all going to a hotel. Dad is treating us."

"That'll be nice then won't it? I don't understand why you're not looking forward to Christmas."

"Well I'm not sure I can be a*sed with it," Jonah replied, his mood not brightening. "Family arguments and all that. Do you know, I'd be quite happy spending Christmas Day on my own."

"Oh No," Tallulah, Natalia and Tess said in unison. "You can't spend Christmas on your own!"

"Oh yes I can. And I very nearly did a couple of years ago, until some do-gooding intern dragged me off to spend Christmas Day with a bunch of bible-bashers. And besides, when Dad goes I'll be spending it on my own every year. Which will be quite apposite for a sad b*stard like me."

"Don't be silly," Tessa said. "I'm sure one day you'll get hitched."

"What, to one of the girls in Foxtrots? It's bad enough handing over all my spare cash every weekend, never mind my house and the rest of my possessions as well." Jonah thought for a moment about what a str*pper might do in a shared house in Old Town with a selection of Sugababes cds and 'adult' films, then decided it best not to. He had a whole pile of work to do back at his desk, and couldn't afford to take any 'extended breaks'.

"No Jonah, here's the thing." Natalia interjected. "You don't go to places like Foxtrots, instead you go to normal places, pubs, clubs, house parties and the like, and you meet normal people. That way you find a normal girl who's not young enough to be your daughter. You get her number, and a day or two later, you call her up and invite her out for dinner. If that goes well, you see each other a few more times then you embark on a relationship."

"And they all lived happily ever after." Jonah said sarcastically. "Only one flaw in that argument Natalia. The only person who invites me to house parties is you. And no offence, but the girls you invite don't tend to go for men like me. Or any men, come to that."

"He has a point, Natalia." Tessa said.

"I'll tell you what," Tallulah volunteered. "We'll all take Jonah on a night out in Swinetown. We're bound to bump into some of our single girlfriends, so we can introduce them to Jonah. By the end of the evening, he'll have a whole raft of telephone numbers and girls to choose from."

"We may even have to take a camera so as to remind Jonah what each of the girls looked like!" Tessa enthused.

"Sounds great!" Jonah said, his gloom suddenly lifting. "And can I bring Teddy?"

"Who's Teddy?" The girls said in unison. "Is he your lodger?"

"Err no...I'll tell you what...I'll get back to you on the night out...I'd better get back to work..."

"Just can't help some people." Tallulah said, shaking her head.